Seeing the image of my brain… damaged… was emotional. Feeling the effects and hearing all the wrong words coming out of my own mouth is hard enough. But actually seeing evidence of what happened brought me to tears.
My brain encapsulated a lifetime of thoughts, creativity, knowledge, and experience but now my brain is marked with a permanent scar. Yes, there’s actually a scar on my brain.
From the description of the doctor, before showing me the scan, I pictured a small dot lighting up on the screen.
“It probably wouldn’t be big enough to show up”, I thought. Having no idea what a stroke looked like.
But when the image appeared I was shocked. A section of my brain was illuminated! “That’s my brain!” I whispered as my eyes started to tear up.
In that moment, everything became very real to me. My struggle wasn’t an illusion any more. My hope of suddenly waking up and everything being cleared was eliminated. I would have to work for this.
The pride and joy of knowing who you are…Your thoughts, your education, your memories suddenly ripped from you and blocking what you know is yours is a very frustrating thing.
The medical term for the type of stroke I suffered is LMCA (Left Middle Cerebral Artery). It most commonly effects: Movement and sensation • Attention, memory and judgment • Perception • Speech • Vision • Processing words
Everything I needed!… How am I supposed to function the rest of my life without those things?
Can I tell you, God is very good. I was affected with the majority of the symptoms listed above but I am writing this post as evidence that healing does occur.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle because I do. Even writing this post, I need correction and lots of spell check! So be gentle:)
The point I’m making is that though a situation can look black and white … There are so many variations that stem from just having hope. The day at the doctor’s office gave me a clear picture of my reality. It was right if front of me, there was no denying it. How could I triumph over brain damage? I thought.
Well, I can… and I will!